Friday, September 16, 2011

The Baby Itch

I know people have probably been wondering "hey, i wonder when stephen and melinda are going to have more kids." Especially since in LDS culture it's very common to have your kids spaced about 2 years apart. In my family, all 7 of us are spaced about 2 years apart, give or take a few months. But when the time came to start the baby making process in order for child #2 to be 2 years apart from James, I just didn't feel ready. And there were a number of reasons, 1.) around that time James started to be very difficult for me to handle. He's just a screamy little boy that likes to bang and break things. I love him, but I wasn't ready to add a baby to him, as a toddler, especially since I can't do much when I'm pregnant(in fact I've fantasized about hiring a maid to take care of me for the first 4 months of pregnancy. You know, take the trash out every time I throw up, and change James' diaper so I throw up less, just things like that. But instead of a maid I'd just like to have a pregnancy like so many other woman I know who never throw up, and gain a normal amount of weight 30-40 pounds) 2.) I was still (and am) trying to lose weight. Originally I wanted to get down to how much I weighed when I got pregnant with James, which was 138. Now I think I'll just aim for getting past being overweight, or inside my healthy weight range, which I'm only 2-3 pounds away from, depending on whom you ask what a healthy weight range is. I go off of this book my doctor gave me when I was pregnant. Overall though I hadn't felt that itch or feeling like everyone else gets when "it's time." But I had felt pressured to have a baby. I know at least 5 people that were pregnant at the same time I was who all have already either had there second baby, or are very close to having them. Which has made me start to think, should we start trying? Am I waiting too long? And then whenever I'd wonder if we should start, I'd have mini panic attacks thinking "NOOOO!!! I'm not ready!!!" And now that Stephen is unemployed, it's probably a good thing we waited. But this last Sunday at church suddenly, and completely out of the blue, I was aware of every baby in the room, and totally tuned out the speakers. And every baby I wanted to coddle and hold and rock. The last time this happened to me, this magnifying of babies was almost 3 years ago right before we went to Ecuador. I would just go up to Stephen and say "baby" and he would say it back. But we had to wait until we got back from Ecuador, because we were given Malaria pills, and I didn't want to be pregnant while down there, etc. So, from the time I had developed "The Baby Itch" to the time we actually started trying, or should I say stopped trying to prevent a baby from happening 4 months passed. Now I have it again, "The Baby Itch". The only problem, the only 2 things standing in the way of us and getting pregnant is 3 pounds, and Stephen needing to get a job first. Which actually might not be to far away hopefully he has a job interview Tuesday morning, so we'll be praying for things to work out. I'm hoping by the end of November, but probably more like December we might be trying for baby #2. It's hit me so fast, I found myself going through all of James' baby clothes this afternoon, and thinking back to when James was a baby. He was such a cute baby.

Less than 2 months

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

Almost 6 months
I just hope that baby #2 is as easy a baby as James was. I know I complain about James, but honestly I would rather have a difficult toddler than a difficult baby.


Summer Lewis said...

I can't blame you for not wanting to rush into it. It is always best to wait until you're ready! I hope Stephen's job hunt is successful!

Megan said...

I feel the same pressure you do. I think it comes from living in Utah, perhaps! Everyone keeps asking us, "So, when will you have baby #3?"

OH, MY GOSH. I cannot think of a less welcome question right now!!! I want YOU to have a baby so I can hold her and snuggle her and give her kisses and then hand her back! Babies are so wonderful.

But you are most definitely right: having a difficult toddler who was a wonderful baby (Camryn) was INFINITELY easier than a difficult baby who's...well, still a difficult baby (Tamsin)!!!

linda said...

I know the feelings that you described, and I also know how quickly feelings can change from panic at the thought of another baby to suddenly being excited at the anticipation of that event. I think that Heavenly Father has a way of letting us know when the time is right if we are just willing to ask for his direction in the matter. We will be praying for good results in the job hunt!

Sarah said...

Well, I am going to delude myself into thinking that my oh-so easy baby will grow into an oh-so easy toddler. Because if she isn't, she might grow up a very lonely only child :)

Good luck with the job hunt! I know things will work out for the best in the end.

clutchmonkey said...

You know we're like twins. Even though we're not really. Reading this entry felt like reading the monologue in my head about the same matter. I feel the baby itch super strong. Tugging at me, and I keep swatting it away! I'd adore another child, if my husband could carry it instead of me. I don't even care so much about the weight gain. It's the vomiting, the pervasive unrelenting nausea, and caring for my special needs girl with a baby. Can be done, just not ready quite yet. I don't have that pressure to have more, culturally speaking, as I live in a place where folks have one or two or at most three and are in their 40s. But I'd love to hold a sweet smelling infant again, that's mine. Maybe we'll get pregnant around the same time?